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Tag: Dating

Sexual purity

Written by LWOM Amsterdam on . Posted in Dating/Courting, What’s new?.

Why is sexual purity so important?

God gave man and woman the joy and pleasure of sexual relations within the bounds of marriage, and the Bible is clear about the importance of maintaining sexual purity within the boundaries of that union between man and wife (Ephesians 5:31). Humans are well aware of the pleasing effect of this gift from God but have expanded it well beyond marriage and into virtually any circumstance. The secular world’s philosophy of “if it feels good, do it” pervades cultures, especially in the West, to the point where sexual purity is seen as archaic and unnecessary.

Yet look at what God says about sexual purity. “You should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God. . . . For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life” (1 Thessalonians 4:3–5, 7). This passage outlines God’s reasons for calling for sexual purity in the lives of His children.

First, we are “sanctified,” and for that reason we are to avoid sexual immorality. The Greek word translated “sanctified” means literally “purified, made holy, consecrated [unto God].” As Christians, we are to live a purified life because we have been made holy by the exchange of our sin for the righteousness of Christ on the cross and have been made completely new creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17–21). Our old natures, with all their impurities, sexual and otherwise, have died, and now the life we live, we live by faith in the One who died for us (Galatians 2:20). To continue in sexual impurity (fornication) is to deny that, and doing so is, in fact, a legitimate reason to question whether we have ever truly been born again. Sanctification, the process by which we become more and more Christlike, is an essential evidence of the reality of our salvation.

We also see in 1 Thessalonians 4:3–5 the necessity of controlling our bodies. When we give in to sexual immorality, we give evidence that the Holy Spirit is not filling us because we do not possess one of the fruits of the Spirit—self-control. All believers display the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23) to a greater or lesser degree depending on whether or not we are allowing the Spirit to have control. Uncontrolled “passionate lust” is a work of the flesh (Galatians 5:19), not of the Spirit. So controlling our lusts and living sexually pure lives is essential to anyone who professes to know Christ. In doing so, we honor God with our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18–20).

We know God’s rules and discipline reflect His love for us. Following what He says can only help us during our time on earth. By maintaining sexual purity before marriage, we avoid emotional entanglements that may negatively affect future relationships and marriages. Further, by keeping the marriage bed pure (Hebrews 13:4), we can experience unreserved love for our mates, which is surpassed only by God’s enormous love for us.

Abstinence before marriage

Written by LWOM Amsterdam on . Posted in Dating/Courting.

Is abstinence before marriage a realistic message?

Many in the modern culture (the west) have declared that sexual morality is dead, that abstinence isn’t realistic, but it is instead old-fashioned and outdated. Is abstinence before marriage even reasonable in today’s “hook-up culture”?

God designed sex to be enjoyed within a committed marital relationship. When God brought Adam and Eve together in marriage, He established the “one flesh” relationship. Genesis 2:24 tells us that a man will leave his family, join to his wife, and become “one flesh” with her. There are numerous verses that declare sex before marriage to be sin (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible commands complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves (Hebrews 13:4).

God’s truth is eternal—not old-fashioned or unrealistic. However, God’s truth isn’t always easy! Sexual abstinence before marriage is often difficult and requires commitment, self-control, and some strategy. In a sense, it requires a person to be a rebel in a “sexually enlightened” culture.

In reality, the sexual enlightenment philosophy has brought our culture a lot of negative things—porn addiction, sexually transmitted diseases, emotional damage, and abortion on demand. Many in today’s culture say that a “hook-up” is the goal of the night. Singles bounce from club to club looking to hook up with a stranger for casual sex. But that’s not how God designed sex to work.

Blogger Matt Walsh describes this well: “Describing sex as ‘casual’ is like describing the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel as a ‘nice little doodle.’ . . . The people who diminish and cheapen sex are the ones who get to pass themselves off as ‘sexually enlightened.’”

Perhaps you are in a committed relationship, maybe even engaged to be married. For you, sex would not be “casual”; even so, God wants you to wait for the marriage relationship before you have sex. Saving this special, God-given intimacy until marriage will deepen your relationship and prevent future regrets.

Many see abstinence as unrealistic because no one has shown them how to live it out. If someone just shakes a finger and says, “Don’t have sex before marriage,” but doesn’t give the tools to live that message, abstinence becomes a lot more difficult. Here are some tips from those who have faced the temptations and walked the path of abstinence:

  • Understand that you can be a rebel in the culture. No one should force you to have sex before marriage. If you want to honor God by saving sex for a marriage relationship, then you can do it!
  • Keep your eye on the prize. That prize isn’t your future spouse. It isn’t your wedding night. Your end goal is becoming more like Christ. That’s God’s plan for you.
  • Don’t put yourself in situations where you’ll be tempted to compromise your values—or your sexual purity. This may mean not being alone together. You know what those situations are, so avoid them.
  • Date people who are like-minded. When both of you are on board with abstinence, you can help each other keep the commitment of abstinence.
  • Set boundaries. Ask a good friend or mentor to keep you accountable.

Abstinence is more than not having sex before marriage. Strive for sexual purity in all areas of your life—in thoughts, in words, in actions. If you think about or talk about sex a lot, you’re going to have a lot harder time not doing it.

Whether the culture says abstinence is realistic or not doesn’t change God’s truth. He has established sex to be limited to marriage, and He will equip you to honor Him through abstinence. First Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

Is abstinence realistic? Yes. Is abstinence always easy? No, but, with God, it is possible.

Note: Perhaps you’ve already lost your virginity. Please know that God is in the business of second chances. He wants you to come to Him in repentance, and He will forgive your sins and heal your heart. It’s not too late to make the choice to live righteously and in ways that are pleasing to Him.